Clarity, Delusion, and Cosmic Timing

In this sister episode to The Glow Up Tax, Gabby Turner turns inward. Instead of the physical pursuit of a glow up, she's tracking a shift she's noticed in herself since mid-May and has found that she is more open, more unbothered, more willing to say what she means without apologizing for it. She connects the timing to something she'd only recently started paying attention to: her Saturn return, the astrological transit that lands between ages 27 and 30 and audits everything a person has built against whether it's actually theirs.

Gabby walks through what her specific placement, Saturn in Aries in the third house, has been asking of her: owning her voice, speaking with conviction, taking up space in how she communicates and creates. She's honest that last year nearly broke that voice entirely, and honest that the clarity she's feeling now is real but narrow. It applies to one lane. Everything else, she says, is still chaotic, confusing, and a bit of a dumpster fire.

This episode sits with the question rather than answering it: is this the clarity that comes with age, or confirmation bias, a little delusion, and some cosmic timing? Probably both.

Transcript

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Is it possible to feel aligned and extremely lost at the same time? What I didn't expect about turning 29 is this. You can start saying things with your chest, flirting, even when you don't mean it, and really start feeling like all the tests and try ons were building you up for this life you dreamed of right here, and still have zero idea what any of it means. A couple months ago I started noticing this shift within myself, and it was right around the time that I learned about Saturn's return. And truthfully, I haven't been able to stop connecting the two. So is this the clarity that comes with age, or is this confirmation bias, a little delusion, and some cosmic timing? I'm Gabby, and this is While I've Got You. So if you caught last week's episode where I talked about the cost of pursuing any of society's beauty standards, this is that episode's sister. Instead of talking about a physical glow up or a physical appearance, I'm talking about the changes I am experiencing from within and how it connects to astrology and the stars. Towards the end of last year, I started getting a little bit more into astrology, looking at what the stars were saying about who I am as a person, trying to better understand my chart and what the various placements, houses, transits, etc. say about me, my future, and the world as a whole. I've been having a lot of fun testing my interpretations of what was supposed to happen in November, but I'm checking in December. So it's been a really fun journey, and during that process, I discovered what Saturn's return is and the importance of this transit. Because I've been dabbling in a better understanding astrology, I feel like I'm a little bit more tuned in to something deeper. So in mid-May, beginning of June, when I started to notice this internal shift in which I'm a little bit more open, a little more unbothered, I'm a little more willing to go out with my friends, to flirt with no expected outcome, to be absolutely shameless and unbothered. And because I already knew that I was heading into my Saturn's return, or sort of in the thick of it, I connected these two happenings. If you've never heard of a Saturn's return and you're thinking, what? I'm gonna tell you what it is and also explain a little bit about how it shows up in my chart. So a Saturn return happens when Saturn completes its first full orbit around the sun. When this happens, it returns to the exact position it occupied when you were born. And for most people, this happens between the ages of 27 and 30. It's considered one of the most significant astrological transits in your life. It's a period where Saturn essentially audits everything you've built and asks whether it actually belongs to you or if it's something you inherited from other people's expectations. In my case, in particular, my Saturn is in Aries in the third house, which means the specific task or curriculum I have is in relation to owning my voice. It has to do with developing the courage to speak and stop shrinking myself to make other people comfortable. By the time it completes, the goal is not perfection. It rarely is. It's that I've stopped waiting for permission to take up space, especially in how I communicate and how I create. Now, I don't know about you, but you're sitting here and listening to a podcast that is written, inspired, recorded, edited, published, promoted by myself. So if that's not me working on my voice and how I communicate and how I create, I don't know what is. It's very much giving Saturn's returning. And because a Saturn's return is very personable and it's very for you, I think who I've been becoming in the last few months feels like a true bone-deep expression of myself. It's like my internal self is finally catching up to the outside and who I always knew I could be. Like, am I manic or are we so back, baby? This feeling is not measured by what I was supposed to accomplish by the time I was this age. It's not highlighted by the milestones that I hit or that I missed. It truly feels like 30 years of editing and trying things on to see what fits is finally coming together in a culmination of me. I think last year was extremely difficult for me emotionally and in my personal life. I can say without a doubt that I got my ass handed to me. Life was walking me like a dog up and down these Los Angeles streets. I felt like a failure. I came into this week not knowing what to create or what to say. And I was so focused on creating what I thought would work, what other people wanted, instead of just creating from me, from who I am and how I want to show up in the world. Creating something that felt true. I think the last couple of months, as I've started to truly step into my own in a way that I never have before, I'm coming to terms with the fact that you really can't take life too seriously because none of it makes sense until you're 30. And I definitely understand if you're younger than 30, if you're pre-27, that me saying, don't worry, nothing makes sense until you're 30, anyways, sounds like a load of crap and you don't believe me. That's absolutely valid too, because I wouldn't believe me either at that age. I don't want to say or sit here and pretend like because of Saturn's return, because of astrology in my chart, I have all the answers. It's all figured out. Because I absolutely do not, and I encourage you to rewind this episode a little bit. And remember that I said that my Saturn is an Aries in the third house. And that is very specifically me saying that this one little piece of my life seems to be fitting better than it ever has before. I feel clearer, I feel like I know what I want, I feel like I have a little more energy, drive, direction to get there. And I might be sounding a little bit woo-woo, but that feels like alignment. If there's anyone listening to this that is questioning life's deeper meaning, your purpose, your why, I encourage you to just take a second and look at where your Saturn is in your chart. Especially if you're confused on what you should want and how do you go after that if that is in alignment with what you actually do want. Using astrology has been so fun because it's helped me look at the areas and how I communicate, the ways that I show up with my friends, with my family, my value systems, really checking it against how I feel inside. It's helping me identify what skill sets I have, etc. I encourage anyone in their early to mid-20s feeling lost to both look up, look into their astrology chart, but also take a breath and remember that nothing's gonna make sense for a little while longer. If you're in the same boat as me and you've always heard people say, like 30s is when life truly starts, 30s is when life actually happens. Your 20s are for being young and dumb and stumbling around, but 30s, you feel more centered and more focused, and you've been thinking, oh, that's what you guys meant because now you're experiencing it. Same twin. I think it's our Saturn return. You should look into it and then let me know. If you're under 27, because that's that window, 27 to 30, go nuts. Do it for the plot, have some experience that add to the lore of who you are. Make the mistakes now. And if you're 27 to 29 to 30, actually look up what your Saturn return is asking of you and stay open to what might be getting audited in this season. I'm curious to see if you'll notice if things are actually shifting in the way that your chart says that they will, or if it's all just a wash, anyways. I'll also mention that your next Saturn return, because it happens at least twice for most people over their lifetime, isn't until your 50s. So once you get out of this Saturn return, don't lose all the knowledge and the auditing that you did and that you're pushed through. But you know, it's a perfect time to reset, try on new things, make more mistakes, and not take life too seriously, once again. I know a lot of what I'm saying sounds very woo-woo and a little bit different than what this podcast is really about. I am certainly not here to tell you that life is all figured out. Life does make a lot more sense to me right now, and things definitely feel full circle. But I also every single day say, hello? What are we talking about? Because I really haven't got a clue. I want to be so clear that I think the clarity that comes from your Saturn return is absolutely real. But it is one lane and very specific, and everything else is still very much chaotic, confusing, and a bit of a dumpster fire. In the wise, wise words of a tiny little snowman named Olaf, things will just make sense when you're older. And if you're curious enough, you can prep yourself to go through it and let the wisdom of age wash over you as you continue through your Saturn's return. Just be very clear. It's in one specific area. Thanks so much for listening, and I'll catch you guys next week.